Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Self-censorship & the sqrl

I spend a lot of time in my own head. I love to think things through thoroughly (try and say that three times fast!) and sift through my daily observations. Driving to and from work, assuming traffic is light otherwise I get a little ragey, is my preferred time to let my mind wander and file thoughts and observations away. In fact, I'd be willing to wager that I come to most of my major realizations while driving to and from work.

Today was no different and I've been stewing over this one for a few days. See, I realize I have a problem with self-censorship and it's not just limited to the blog posts I write. Whenever Eric and I get into an argument, it's almost always because I'm censoring what thoughts of mine I reveal. And you know, it never works. I've always been an open book and any strong emotion that crosses my mind shows up on my face. So pretty much that means Eric always knows what I'm thinking even when I'm not actually speaking the words. I know it drives him bonkers that he has to work so hard to get my thoughts out of my head.
See, we all know that I'm thinking "OMG CAMERA FLASH!"
As far as the blog posts that I write, I feel that while I am being true to myself in the content that I do put up, there is so much more to me that I could write about. I don't put up more content though because I'm too afraid that I'll offend someone or write something wrong. Obviously, I do think that there are particular things that not posting about is prudent because this is still a completely public forum. For the most part however, that kind of stuff is limited.

I've finally come to the conclusion that that is pretty stupid of me. This is my blog; I pay for it! I do it for me and to share with my friends and family. If someone doesn't like it, they don't have to read it. And honestly, I really don't understand why I'm so afraid of having offensive content. I'm pretty boring as all I do for fun is read, knit, bake, work out and play video games.

So, for better or worse, I'm going to share more of my thoughts in blog posts. It may not be daily (I do have a full time job!), but it's going to happen because I'm tired of having my head so full of thoughts that I don't share.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

"You need work."

"You need work," my physical therapist said while assessing the tension in my neck muscles.
Duh. Why else would I be there?

Last year it was a lack of engagement with my transversus abdominis and gluteal muscles. This year? Well, this year I'm a mess because I breathe wrong. Yeah, you read that right.  

I breathe wrong.

What? How? Seriously?

The sad thing is that it isn't that far fetched or all that uncommon. For desk workers like myself, we sit all day with crummy posture and learn to take shallow little breaths that don't engage the diaphragm fully which can cause a chain reaction of muscle imbalances. And since the average adult human takes anywhere from 21,600 to 24,000 breaths a day, doing it wrong can compound problems rapidly. Total that up over a few years and I think you can see where I'm going with this. do you fix a crappy breathing pattern? It's not easy.  It takes lots of work, lots of mental awareness and dedication to forming good habits that replace the bad ones. I've been diligently performing my prescribed exercises for the last three weeks, but I definitely have a few more weeks to go before I can be (re)released into the wild. I can feel my body shifting as the weeks pass, and I'm developing a keen sense of postural awareness. It's odd to me because it basically feels like I'm a little kid learning how to use my body for the first time.

Since the pain that I've had for months is slowly progressing backwards in the same pattern that it came on, so I feel like a walk-run is in order for this evening. I think I finally see some light at the end of this tunnel.