Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Self-censorship & the sqrl

I spend a lot of time in my own head. I love to think things through thoroughly (try and say that three times fast!) and sift through my daily observations. Driving to and from work, assuming traffic is light otherwise I get a little ragey, is my preferred time to let my mind wander and file thoughts and observations away. In fact, I'd be willing to wager that I come to most of my major realizations while driving to and from work.

Today was no different and I've been stewing over this one for a few days. See, I realize I have a problem with self-censorship and it's not just limited to the blog posts I write. Whenever Eric and I get into an argument, it's almost always because I'm censoring what thoughts of mine I reveal. And you know, it never works. I've always been an open book and any strong emotion that crosses my mind shows up on my face. So pretty much that means Eric always knows what I'm thinking even when I'm not actually speaking the words. I know it drives him bonkers that he has to work so hard to get my thoughts out of my head.
See, we all know that I'm thinking "OMG CAMERA FLASH!"
As far as the blog posts that I write, I feel that while I am being true to myself in the content that I do put up, there is so much more to me that I could write about. I don't put up more content though because I'm too afraid that I'll offend someone or write something wrong. Obviously, I do think that there are particular things that not posting about is prudent because this is still a completely public forum. For the most part however, that kind of stuff is limited.

I've finally come to the conclusion that that is pretty stupid of me. This is my blog; I pay for it! I do it for me and to share with my friends and family. If someone doesn't like it, they don't have to read it. And honestly, I really don't understand why I'm so afraid of having offensive content. I'm pretty boring as all I do for fun is read, knit, bake, work out and play video games.

So, for better or worse, I'm going to share more of my thoughts in blog posts. It may not be daily (I do have a full time job!), but it's going to happen because I'm tired of having my head so full of thoughts that I don't share.