Wednesday, November 9, 2011

This is not my path!

The statistics are inconclusive, but I have a hunch that long-term weight loss maintainers are few and far between. It’s simply too easy to fall into traps that you know exist, to slide down (wouldn’t up be a more appropriate preposition here?) the slippery sloping path of regain.

Feeling some negative emotion about something one day? I deserve a bigger portion of desert!

WRONG.
Image: winnond / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Letting myself even take one step down that well-trod path is dangerous. It’s too easy to continue down it after you take that first step. The momentum just builds upon itself and the ease with which I once made the harder (and healthier) decision fades off into the distance. I know I’m not the only one with this problem.

A week ago, there was a post on the CalorieKing forums that left me feeling rather conflicted. The woman (also a maintainer) ranted about how arduous it is to continue to maintain a reduced body weight. She proclaimed her hatred for having to make the healthier (and more difficult) food choices most of the time. She even went as far to say she was happier when she was eating what she wanted and this is where my internal conflict stems from. I certainly agree it sucks to have to keep food choices under wraps almost all of the time but I’d never say I was happier when I ate what I wanted.

I’m currently proving that very fact by being quietly unhappy at the fact that I’m letting myself slip up and step further down that well-trod path.  It’s difficult to explain the war that occurs in my head each time I go to make a food choice. I don’t currently have the mental fortitude to even attempt to explain it.  It’s enough to simply acknowledge that it exists. It also leads me to wonder whether I’ll ever be able to “eat intuitively” and not manage my food intake via a log. I’m starting to suspect the answer for me and me alone is a resounding no. I just can’t trust my body’s report of hunger signals most of the time. 

Thing is, I don’t hate managing my food with a log. I don’t even find it tedious. It keeps me honest. It forces me to look at the hard numbers associated with what I put into my body. It makes it hard to justify consuming an overly large portion of dessert knowing that I’ve put enough fuel into my body that day. I just don't know that depending upon a food log signifies a healthy relationship with food.

Sheesh weight loss was easy, this maintenance stuff is hard!